CD 40~ Call Back

I did end up getting a call back from the nurse at my OB's office yesterday evening at 5:50pm.

My questions in the voicemail were as follows:
Will I have an ultrasound prior to taking the clomid? When should I schedule that? How will we know if I am responding to the med or over responding? ---- My message was longer than that and more explanatory than this but you get the point.

This is how our conversation went...
Nurse: "Hi. Sorry for calling you back so late. I have the answers to your questions."
Me: "ok, great"
Nurse: "You will come in for an ultrasound to check for cysts after you take the Clomid."
Me: "I thought the Dr. said something about coming in for an ultrasound before starting the Clomid?"
Nurse: "Yes, you will come in after you take the medicine for ultrasound."
ooookkkkkayyyyyyy. I didn't feel the need to argue with her. My decision was already made. She is just now confirming 100% that I made the right decision.
Me: "ok"
Nurse: "We will check how you are responding with a CD 21 blood draw. That will tell us for sure that you ovulated and that is how we know if you responded or not."
Me: "Ok. Thanks."
Nurse: "If you have any more questions feel free to call back."

No thanks.

If I am 100% honest with myself. I have not liked this Doctor or her staff since my first visit. I have been trying to over look it because she was recommended to me by my GP that I love.

I always wait for a really long time, which is fine, but once I see the Dr. I am rushed in and out. She cuts me off while I am trying to talk or ask questions. And when she cuts me off it has nothing to do with what I am currently saying or asking. She has horrible reviews online.

I also forgot to mention when I went to my appt Tuesday the nurse argued with me that my period was late. She told me we need to take a pregnancy test. She came up with this information based on when my last period was. "Your period is late. You have not had one in 30 days." Why not ask me how long my cycles normally are before telling me my period is late. I was so annoyed that when she took my BP it was really high. They made her retake my BP after I met with the Dr.

I need a new OB. I guess I need to start asking around.

I realized last night that I made my decision way before even giving the Nurse a chance to call me back. I need to be an advocate for my own health.

Special shout out:  Thank you so much to Sabrina and Laylarue for all the support!!! It means so much!!

Decision Made

I decided that today I would leave a message for the nurse at my OB's office regarding concerns about monitoring on Clomid. I was going to make my decision of OB vs. RE based on the answers I got. After that I called the RE office to inquire about their next opening to see if there was a wait list. There wasn't. I went ahead and scheduled an infertility consultation. I scheduled it with intentions of hearing back from my OB office today and from there either cancelling with her or with RE.

I called and left a message for my OB's nurse before 9am. They open at 8am.

I don't know about you but in my past experience with doctors and nurses when I leave a message that early in the day I always receive a response the same day.

Fast forward to this afternoon...

So, here it is after 4 and I have not heard back from the OB's office.

Decision made. We are going to the RE.

Since I already called and made an appt with the RE, they have already emailed the 11 pages of information for me to fill out prior to my appt. The lady that made my appt was very sweet and didn't rush me at all to get off the phone. I felt so comfortable and at ease asking all my questions. Hoping this is a good sign. :) I am also excited that I am still able to use my physician's referral for a free initial consultation. Which would normally cost $200.

My appointment will be Tuesday October 2nd at 3pm!!!!! eeek!!!

So now foreal foreal, shit just got real. Up we go from here!

I had to post this picture. It made me LOL.

CD 39~ Infertile Turtle

The Dr. Appt:

I am aware that sometimes my OB has long waits but I thought this was ridic, so I will share. Also, I was proud of myself for not being a total angry bitch after waiting so long.

First, my appt was at 2:45pm. I was taken into the exam room at 3:30pm. I sat naked for 45 mins before I ever saw the Dr. So, luckily I didn't plan on going back to work after the appt. Geez.

Remember I have already had an HSG and my H an SA. Everything came back wonderful and normal. Fast forward to now. She says it has been a year and it is time to be aggressive. According to her with everything coming back normal and my long irregular cycles she believes it is an ovulation issue. Her two options were doing Clomid with her or moving on to the RE upstairs. I asked her what all goes into the Clomid and how it works. She told me I would have an ultrasound before starting Clomid to make sure I don't have any cysts on my ovaries, then I would take Clomid cycle days 5-9 and come in for a 7DPO blood draw. Then if I were to get pregnant that I would come in immediately for an ultrasound to make sure it was not an ectopic or tubal pregnancy. At that moment I told her that I would like to try a round of Clomid with her and if that is unsuccessful I would like to move on to the RE.

I am overwhelmed to say the least. I am aware of all the extreme side effects (she brought them up too).

After I left the appt, talked to F, my mom and googled and over analyzed all night......
Now I am not feeling so sure about what to do. Ultimately it is our decision and no one can tell us what we should do. I just feel like shit just got real. I knew I would feel this way once it was time for treatment.

Half of me says just go with the flow one more cycle and if it doesn't work go to the RE the other half of me says fuck it go to the RE now.

Decisions decisions. Today I need to decide if I will do this Clomid with her or go ahead and schedule an appt with the RE.

I have a lot of other things on my mind that I would like to share regarding being a woman having trouble trying to conceive. Hopefully I will find time to post on that soon.

I also have wondered for sometime, when do I consider myself in the "trouble trying to conceive" group. I know now, that we are there. We are having trouble. I have been afraid to *think* I am in the TTTC and then be told that I am not, by women on TB. <----That last sentence makes me sounds really stupid.

Updated to add: In case anyone is curious on costs. Walgreens already filled my RX and it will be $116 for the Clomid.

CD 37~ Back to the grind...

The weekend was really nice. I had a GREAT time.

Confession: I have so many pictures I would love to share on my blog buuuuuutttt, I am too chicken. I am so afraid of someone in real life finding my blog and reading it. For that reason I am very hesitant to post pictures of myself or F. I took a big risk in posting my mother's breast cancer site and I have posted one pic of F and I that was pretty small. It freaks me out.

With that being said I have quite a few pics that I wish I had the guts to post here.

We had a great time decorating our shirts for the walk. And loved seeing my Aunt's new house. I loved the layout way better than her previous. The birthday party theme was so cute. It was like cowboy/sheriff theme. I took plenty of pictures with the horses and my sheriff hat, of course. My close friend Angie went with us to the party. She loved my Aunt's house, the property, and the horses. She is already begging to go back. It is so nice and relaxing out there.

Beamer the horse :)

Yesterday we went to see our friends new house. We loved it. So happy for him! Also my lil sissy came by for a little bit in the evening. We went to dinner. I always love seeing her.

OMG I typed a bunch and then forgot to save. Ugh! Lets try again.....

Update on the wedding: I have officially backed out. After speaking with my husband (which I should have done in the first place) we have decided that this was not a good time for us personally and financially. The facts are that for us, our focus right now is getting pregnant and having a baby. That may sound selfish to some people but it is our choice. I feel like a horrible person for backing out. The expenses were already becoming ridiculous to me, and this is just the beginning. Our wedding was a DIY wedding on a budget (because of my mother's health and medical bills). By budget I mean as cheap as possible. There is not anything wrong with a big expensive wedding. Not at all. That is just not how we are choosing to spend our money right now. This may sound bad too, but I just recently became close with this girl. (She was not even invited to my wedding) It is not like I am backing out of best friend or sister's wedding. That would be a completely different story. Anyway, I was completely open and honest with her and I told her ASAP. She said she was not mad and that this would not affect our friendship in a negative way. I hope it doesn't. Most importantly I handeled the situation poorly from the beginning and that is my fault, completely.

Moving on.

Update on TTC: I had the positive again on Friday and that was my last wondfo. So no more testing for me. haha. Sexed it up all weekend to be safe. :)

CD34~ First Time Ever!

3rd day of positive OPK's! And the past two days I have had EWCM! Today I have had a TON! I have NEVER EVER had EWCM.

Please please please let this be a good sign!!!

CD 34~ Freakin' Weekend!

Hola!!!! It's FRRIIIIIDDAAAAAYYYYY!! Cheers to that!

We have a busy weekend ahead of us. Tonight we will be going to my BIL's house to celebrate my niece's b-day. Then tomorrow I am headed to my Aunt's house so we can decorate our shirts for the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure walk on October 6th! That should be fun. We do the walk every year since 2009. That was the year my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. You can read her story here. After that we will be headed out to the country to my other Aunt's house for a birthday party. My counsin's lil boy is turning 1. I love going out to her house, they live on about 14 acres and they have horses too! :) I am about 99.99% positive they will be doing rides for the children. I think I am gonna jump on too! It has been forever since I went on a horsey ride! haha. Then Sunday our good friend will be taking us to see the home he is in the process of purchasing. We are so happy for him!

Side note: I come from a very large family on my mom's side. My grandmother gave birth to 12 kids, 8 girls, 4 boys! So you will hear about a lot of Aunt's, Uncles, and cousins.

I hope you have a great weekend!!

CD33~ POSITIVE!!

Blaring POSITIVE! :)

Woohoo!

CD32~ Positive?

Today I made my appt with my OB for my annual....

One step closer.

And today CD32

CD30~

Nothing much going on here....
Just another Monday at work. I do accounting/billing and we have not been able to run invoices all day. Remind me...Why am I here?? Exactly, a useless day.

Cycle update-- I thought I got a positive OPK on Friday September 7th (which is early for me). I say thought because Wondfo's are tricky and I usually confirm with CBE digi. You would think by cycle 8, month 12 that I would have this down. Nope, not me. I think it really just makes me feel better to see that :) on the digi OPK.
Now I am doubting that it was even a positive for 2 reasons. 1. I have never had a + opk that early. 2. If that was a +, then I should have gotten my period by now, due to my short LP. I have continued to OPK test since then and they have all been way -. So, I don't really know what the F is really going on this cycle.

BIG NEWS: This week my insurance takes effect.--Off I run to schedule an appt with my OB & then :::drum roll::: an appt with an RE.

Other exciting news--We are 100% OOP with IF coverage. Best news ever. (sarcasm font) Also, I need to look into secondary coverage.

Oh and I recently said "yes" to being a bridesmaid in a wedding and I am really regretting it now. For financial reasons of course. We are about to begin our journey in finding out how we can conceive a baby. And my guess is that it might be an expensive journey. I don't know what to do.

CD19-20 The Bottom...

We can only go up from here.
Last Thursday and Friday, I hit bottom. We hit bottom. Those two days were the worst we have ever felt since starting to try to have a baby. It. was. awful. I have never seen him so upset-About getting pregnant-About him seeing me hurt each cycle that results in a BFN. Just hearing how much he thinks about it everyday. It. broke. my. heart. It was awful to hear but at the same time, I am so very grateful that he let me hear those things. It makes me feel not so alone in my feelings and it brought us closer.
I cried.
He cried.
We cried.
Ugh, just thinking about it makes me start to tear up.

I really really need to work on myself.
I don't know where to start.
I need to accept the things I cannot control. I have so many irrational fears racing through my mind daily. I try not to let myself go there, but it seems impossible, like out of my control. The longer it takes to get pregnant, the less I think my fears are irrational.
I don't go a day without longing to be pregnant. To be a mother.

The main thing I am going to try to stop doing....is looking so far ahead. I need to live in the now.

So, with that, I will wait for my insurance to take effect. As soon as that happens I will make an appt with my OB for my annual and see what she says and where I should go from here.

Until then? I am making it my priority to let go and just do what I can to improve our chances.
STOP OBSESSING & STRESSING.

I am not a very religious person, but I have always loved the Serenity Prayer.

CD17~ Hey Month 12, How are you?

So, yea, it is September. Hello, month 12. Now we are in Cycle 8/Month 12 of our TTC journey. :( ----How the hell is it already September! Geez slow down time!

Yea back to work today after a long uneventful Labor Day Weekend. --& traffic was a bitch today! Ugh!

F and I laid low this weekend. Friday night we did our usual and went out to dinner then came back home and relaxed together. Saturday we went out shopping and running errands. We got a new quilt for our new king size bed and some new pillows. We have not gotten new pillows in a pretty long time. We had been using the tempurpedic pillows but I was wanting something different. We will see how they work out. Saturday night we went out to the bar with some friends and had some drinks and watched football. Monday we had a nice little picnic at a nearby park. Just F, Astro and I. It was nice and HOT HOT HOT. I was over it in about 20 mins. HAHA.

In other news I should be getting my 90 day benefit package here at work soon. Which means I should have insurance sooner than later and I will be able to book an appt with my OBGYN for my yearly. Today I plan to start full force with my OPK's for this cycle. Better late than never. ;)

F left town today and wont be back until Friday. I will be a lonely wife this week.