CD19- Unorthodox

Today I had my 4th monitoring appt. Dr. H did the u/s this time. The other monitoring appts have just been the ultrasound tech. She measures goes back to talk to the Dr. then comes back to let me know what is up.

Dr. H began by telling me I appear to be a slow grower and am now stalling. He says I am responding poorly to this dose of Clomid.

He preformed the u/s and my largest follies are now 14.3 and 14.5 on the same side. Other side is all under 10. Lining looks great.

Dr. H says he is going to be very unorthodox and tell me to trigger today. My RE's office considers follicles mature at 15. (from what I have read/heard every office has a different practice with what they consider mature) He does not think I will get pregnant this cycle, but if I happen to then great.

I am completely OK with triggering even if my follies aren't technically mature.

Why?

Because hopefully it will tell my body to release the egg and I can go on with this cycle. BFN or lucky BFP, I would rather this cycle end in two or so weeks rather than 30 more days.

My natural cycles are anywhere from 43-50 days with O around day 30something. So I would rather O now and get this over with faster so we can move on to the next quicker. At least that is my thought process.

He is also starting me on Metformin. Nope, I don't have PCOS. According to Dr. H, Metformin and Clomid can work together to help with ovulation.

I am to take one 500mg pill once a day for 4 days, if I don't get sick then up to 2 pills a day for 4 days, if I don't get sick then up to 3 pills a day until I am pregnant or 10 weeks pregnant. I can't remember at the moment.

Dr. H also noted that we will increase Clomid to 100mg next cycle and see if I respond to that.

At 9pm tonight I trigger. Eeek. I hope I do well stabbing myself!

This weekend we are going out to celebrate a friends b-day. Thank goodness. I need it. BIG TIME. We are going to a country western dance place. Haha. I know I am from Texas but this bitch can't two-step to save her life. I plan to drink the night away! ;) Neither one of us even own a pair of cowboy/girl boots. Yay for drinks and dancing!

CD18- Every Storm... Runs Out Of Rain

Country got me this morning. This song has great lyrics that can easily apply to any area in your life. The ups, the downs, and the inbetween.

So you're standing in the middle of the thunder and lightning

I know you're feeling like you just can't win, but you're trying

It's hard to keep on keepin' on, when you're being pushed around

Don't even know which way is up, you just keep spinning down, 'round, down…

Every storm runs, runs out of rain

Just like every dark night turns into day

Every heartache will fade away

Just like every storm runs, runs out of rain

So hold your head up and tell yourself that there's something more

And walk out that door,

Go find a new rose, don't be afraid of the thorns

'Cause we all have thorns

Just put your feet up to the edge, put your face in the wind

And when you fall back down, keep on rememberin'

Every storm runs, runs out of rain

Just like every dark night turns into day

Every heartache will fade away

Just like every storm runs, runs out of rain

It's gonna run out of pain

It's gonna run out of sting

It's gonna leave you alone

It's gonna set you free

Set you free

Every storm runs, runs out of rain

Just like every dark night turns into day

Every heartache will fade away

Just like every storm runs, runs out of rain

It's gonna set you free,

It's gonna run out of pain,

It's gonna set you free

CD17- 3rd Monitoring Appointment

Fail. Fail. Fail.- That is how I feel. Fuck you, girl parts!

The follie I thought was 16 on Monday was actually a 15.9. Today that follie has shrunk to a 15.
Are you fucking kidding me? How do I keep a positive outlook when everything comes back negatively.
The other two we were hoping would catch up are only 13's. They barely grew.
I already feel like this cycle is a fail. I can't shake the feeling.

I go back Friday for yet another monitoring appointment. I don't expect to see any growth. I just don't.

Obvi Clomid is no magical dream for me.

I cried the whole way to work. That is all.

CD15- 2nd Monitoring Appointment

This should have been posted yesterday...oops.

So... womp womp, I only had 1 follie that was at the size they should be at this point. I believe it was a 16. We are giving it until Wednesday to see if two other follies will catch up and the 16 gets bigger.

My optimism is slowly fading. Maybe I am being too hard on myself. Maybe I am responding enough. I don't know.

I was given the prescription for Ovidrel. If I O on my own today or Wednesday then no trigger. If I don't, which is most likely, then I will probably trigger on Wednesday.

We shall see...

CD12- 1st Monitoring Appointment

I went for my monitoring appointment at 8am today. I had my usual U/S tech. We will call her Yadi.

Hopefully I remember everything she said correctly...

Yadi told me that is is early in the cycle so I may require another monitoring appointment before I am ready to go. She said they are looking for my lining to be at a 7 by the time I am ready and follicles should be between 15-20 and would like to see follicles today that are 11-12 in size.

So in goes the dildo cam. My lining is at a 6, Yadi said "that is good". One ovary had 5-6 follicles mostly all 10's. At least they were all 10.something instead of just 10. Then I had one 12. Other ovary had about 4-5 follicles again mostly 10.somethings, one 11, and one 12 again. Yadi said "this is good, you have two 12's. One on each side. I will check with Dr. H and call you to let you know if you should come back Sunday or Monday to check again."

I am taking this as great news and am happy that I am responding. I was afraid I would go in an see nothing...but I tried very hard to keep that thought away.

Yadi called me 45 minutes later to let me know that Dr. H wants me to come back Monday to check again.
Yadi: "Keep testing for ovulation all weekend and if you get a positive call us immediately. If not, I will see you Monday."
Me: "OK, thanks so much"
Yadi: "You're welcome. I think you will be ready to go Monday."
Me: "I sure hope so. Thanks again and have a good weekend."

F is super excited and thinks all this sounds very positive! I love his positive outlook. :) I am excited too.

GROW FOLLIES GROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

CD10- Good Luck?

...I hope so. ;)



F and I had Vietnamese for lunch today. These were our fortunes. Mine top, his bottom. I lurve the grammar.

Then I went to Walgreen's because I left the house in a hurry this morning and forgot to grab OPK's to start testing today. FAIL.

I grabbed the cheapest ones which weren't cheap at all compared to Wondfo's. haha. I go to the front to check out...

Cashier: "Do these work?"

Me: "I never used this particular brand, but yes they tell you when your body is gearing up to ovulate."

Cashier: "So they tell you when you can get pregnant?"

Me: "Basically, yes. If the test is positive you should have sex within the next 12-48 hours. Follow the instructions."

Cashier: "OK, Ima try them. We been trying for 5 months and nothing is happening. I mean I have a 5 year old, but..."

Me: "Yea, you should try them. I am sure it would help you out with timing."

Cashier: "I have this app that tells me when but I am not sure."

Me: "These will def work better than an app on your phone." I kindly smiled at her.

Cashier: "Thanks! I will def try these now."

Awkward and funny conversation to have at Walgreen's on a Wednesday at lunch.



CD9- Finished Clomid





Today I took my last Clomid pill. I have not had many side effects.

Day 1 of Clomid: I had dizziness, blurred vision, and headache within an hour of taking it. The dizziness and blurred vision went away quickly. However, the headache stayed all day.

Day 2 of Clomid: Nada

Day 3 of Clomid: Nothing besides being weepy. Although there were reasons for me to cry. I do think it was from the Clomid because I would have crying spells.

Day 4 of Clomid: Again, weepy.

Day 5 of Clomid: Nada

I am trying not to obsess over it and take it day by day. Of course I have had the thought, no side effects means it is NOT working. :::smacks myself in head:::  Positive thoughts ONLY biotch!

I start OPK's tomorrow and Friday I have my first monitoring appt.

 ...be working magic in there.

CD3- Game Plan

As I mentioned in my previous post I met with my RE today. He did a hysteroscopic sonogram to check my uterine cavity, tubes, and ovaries. He was thrilled to report that everything looked excellent! Woot!

The procedure gave me some mild cramping but overall not bad at all. It was very quick. Then we did an internal ultrasound. Everything looked great again.

No cysts. I heard him say I had 12 resting eggs on one side and 10 resting eggs on the other. I am not sure which ovary had which.

Let's call the RE Dr. H, so I can stop calling him the RE or him. haha

After the procedure was complete I went and had a consult with Dr. H. He reviewed my charts and we talked about my cycles. He said it is clear that I have weak ovulation and some cycles where it appears I didn't O at all. F did an SA back in May of last year, with 770 million moving sperm. Dr. H said F has great sperm.

So, the plan is Clomid + TI (timed intercourse). He thinks since F's sperm is so good we shouldn't do IUI at this point. Hopefully this is all we need.

I will start Clomid on CD5 (this Friday) through CD9 (next Tuesday). I am to start OPK's on CD 10 and come in for an ultrasound on CD12 for an ultrasound to check how I am responding. Unless OPK's indicate I should come in sooner for the ultrasound then I will have to call them.

The cost of the cycle is $500.00 in case anyone is wondering. (We are 100% OOP on treatments) I also need to fill the Clomid. I believe it is either $100 or $200 at Walgreen's to fill it. Help me out ladies, Is Walmart the cheapest place to get Clomid with no insurance coverage?? I am new to all this. TIA!

I am very excited and hopeful at this point. I really hope I O before F has to travel again for work or I will have to travel to him so we can bang it out.

 

Wishing and hoping like hell that this is IT for us! I have to stay positive. I am a horrible worry wort and typically see the glass half empty. I am really going to work my hardest on being ultra positive about this cycle. 



CD2- Cramp Cramp

Yesterday was CD1 fo sho. :)

The day was filled with hella cramps and more cry baby-ness.

I called the RE and they said "no worries" about it being CD3 at my follow-up appt. That is what I figured, but better safe than sorry. I would hate to waste a trip there.

Happy Tuesday.

I will leave you with a parting gift. A picture of my precious pain in the ass puppy.

CD1...or not?

Good Morning!

I think today is CD1.



I say think because I feel like at this point I hardly know anything that goes on with my body. It all just seems like a guessing game. So, we shall see if today is actually CD1 or not. If it is I have no idea what to expect my period to be like. Oh, just more of the unknown. I truly hope this is CD1. I am ready to get back to TTGP. Also, I am almost at 60 days with out a period.
I made an appt Wednesday for my 6 weeks post m/c follow-up (this week is actually 7 weeks) and a consultation to figure out where to go from here. If today is CD1, then I need to call and see if it is OK for me to have the appt while having my period or if I need to reschedule. I would think it should be fine but I want to double check.

F left town this morning until Friday. Que the tears. I cried. Twice. That is a first. I have never cried when he is leaving out of town for work. I'm thinking PMS may be to blame. I will admit I hate the 5 day trips. I understand he has to travel for work but I would prefer the 2-3 day trips not 5. Oh well, what can you do.

I miss him. Just me and the pups 'til Friday.

Fuck NYE.

This New Year's Eve was without a doubt the.worst.ever.

This whole post will make me sound like a selfish, rude, judgmental, bitch but I don't care. This is how I felt at that time and I can't change it now. And I don't think I would anyway. It was genuine emotion and reaction to this ridiculous news.

F made us reservations at a rather fancy restaurant for dinner on NYE. We were both so excited for this night out.
Side note: I had been doing really well emotionally and was feeling mostly back to my normal self. Well this totally fucked that up.

Anyway we are at dinner. It is lovely. We got through the whole meal and were finishing our wine, discussing the future for us as far as TTC goes and this upcoming year.

Then F gets a text from his mother. :::eye roll:::

Guess what is says!!??????

You're going to be an uncle again.

Que the tears....

His 20 year old brother with no job, no school, no future, who is living out of some family's house in Kansas got his girlfriend KU.

Fantastic.

Who am I am mad at? My MIL. Could she be more inconsiderate!!!?? (Am I wrong for feeling this way?) I don't think that was the appropriate time, place, or way to share this news with us.

I was fucking livid and I dealt with that by crying. I couldn't control my emotions. The whole night was ruined and I don't feel responsible for it.

Another side note: When we found out we were pregnant we went to F's parents house to announce with everyone there, including little brother. He never said a word to me. Never hugged me. Never congratulated us. Nothing. At. All. When we lost the baby. Same thing. Nothing.

I know him getting a chick KU is not taking my baby. I know this. But the news still stings a lot. Especially the time and way the news was delivered.

I also can't understand how my MIL thinks this is good news given the situation he is currently in. I know if my sister got KU who is similar in age and situation to him. She lives at home, no job. My mom would not be excited. At. All.  I mean of course it will be exciting eventually but not initially when hearing the news and given circumstances. I get it, we are different people and families.

It's not easy for everyone.

I am sad that our night was ruined. We were both all dressed up and looking great. We didn't take any pictures since we planned to take them after dinner and at that time I was balling.

I guess I shouldn't of acted the way I did. But I did, that's what happened. I am human.

Changing subjects

I still have not had my period since the m/c mess. I am not even sure how to count cycle days. Do I start CD1 as the first day I took Cytotec, because I did bleed? Or do I count CD1 as the day of my natural m/c? I don't know.

If I go off dose 1 of Cytotec then I am on CD51
If I go off natural m/c then I am on CD45
If my calculations are correct...

So anyway It looks like I will be back to my long wonky cycles. Oh fun! I got a + OPK on December 26. If this cycle is anything similar to ones in the past. I think I will have my period by next week or before. We shall see.

AND!!! I am so sick of my mom and everyone saying "it will happen". Look people, we hope it will happen, but we don't KNOW. I know they are trying to be nice but I don't want to fucking hear it.

Sorry for being such a ranting bitch. I am done.

Oh. but one more thing. I am calling this week to schedule my post m/c follow-up appt. He said to come back after 6 weeks or my first period. So, six weeks it is.

For me, I need to be pregnant again ASAP. I am not waiting around for one cycle every two months. I want better chances than that. There is obviosuly not something working properly in there. So I also plan to schedule an appt with the RE for consulation about treatments since we never got that far before. I hope I am able to schedule the follow-up and consultation at the same time.

I hope you had ladies had a WAAAAYYY better NYE than I did.

Beagle 2.0

(I wrote this post last week and I am just now getting around to posting it. OOPS!)

On Friday December 21st, we went and picked up one of my Christmas presents! :)

A new Beagle boy puppy.

Introducing...

Milo at the vet, 2nd day home- 8weeks, 3days old.

Milo! He is too cute to handle.

Astro, our 1st Beagle is sloooowly adjusting to his new brother. They get along and play well. But Astro is not too keen on sharing everything with him. He likes to take stuff from him and get on the couch since the puppy can't get up there. Such a brat.

It is a lot of work having an adolescent dog and bringing home a puppy. We are working to make sure Astro gets his individual attention to not cause jealously of the new puppy.

AND, I definitely forgot what is was like to have a 8 week old puppy. Astro was older when we got him and while he still had accidents in the house. It was not nearly as much as this little guy. He is a peeing machine. I am hard at work trying to get him house trained. But, he is getting better everyday. We haven't had any "accidents" in several days now. YAY!

Anyway below are a few more pictures for your viewing pleasure.

Playing ...

Crashed from all the playing!

He is 10 weeks today and we will headed to the vet this afternoon for more shots. I will post more pictures soon.