Fuck NYE.

This New Year's Eve was without a doubt the.worst.ever.

This whole post will make me sound like a selfish, rude, judgmental, bitch but I don't care. This is how I felt at that time and I can't change it now. And I don't think I would anyway. It was genuine emotion and reaction to this ridiculous news.

F made us reservations at a rather fancy restaurant for dinner on NYE. We were both so excited for this night out.
Side note: I had been doing really well emotionally and was feeling mostly back to my normal self. Well this totally fucked that up.

Anyway we are at dinner. It is lovely. We got through the whole meal and were finishing our wine, discussing the future for us as far as TTC goes and this upcoming year.

Then F gets a text from his mother. :::eye roll:::

Guess what is says!!??????

You're going to be an uncle again.

Que the tears....

His 20 year old brother with no job, no school, no future, who is living out of some family's house in Kansas got his girlfriend KU.

Fantastic.

Who am I am mad at? My MIL. Could she be more inconsiderate!!!?? (Am I wrong for feeling this way?) I don't think that was the appropriate time, place, or way to share this news with us.

I was fucking livid and I dealt with that by crying. I couldn't control my emotions. The whole night was ruined and I don't feel responsible for it.

Another side note: When we found out we were pregnant we went to F's parents house to announce with everyone there, including little brother. He never said a word to me. Never hugged me. Never congratulated us. Nothing. At. All. When we lost the baby. Same thing. Nothing.

I know him getting a chick KU is not taking my baby. I know this. But the news still stings a lot. Especially the time and way the news was delivered.

I also can't understand how my MIL thinks this is good news given the situation he is currently in. I know if my sister got KU who is similar in age and situation to him. She lives at home, no job. My mom would not be excited. At. All.  I mean of course it will be exciting eventually but not initially when hearing the news and given circumstances. I get it, we are different people and families.

It's not easy for everyone.

I am sad that our night was ruined. We were both all dressed up and looking great. We didn't take any pictures since we planned to take them after dinner and at that time I was balling.

I guess I shouldn't of acted the way I did. But I did, that's what happened. I am human.

Changing subjects

I still have not had my period since the m/c mess. I am not even sure how to count cycle days. Do I start CD1 as the first day I took Cytotec, because I did bleed? Or do I count CD1 as the day of my natural m/c? I don't know.

If I go off dose 1 of Cytotec then I am on CD51
If I go off natural m/c then I am on CD45
If my calculations are correct...

So anyway It looks like I will be back to my long wonky cycles. Oh fun! I got a + OPK on December 26. If this cycle is anything similar to ones in the past. I think I will have my period by next week or before. We shall see.

AND!!! I am so sick of my mom and everyone saying "it will happen". Look people, we hope it will happen, but we don't KNOW. I know they are trying to be nice but I don't want to fucking hear it.

Sorry for being such a ranting bitch. I am done.

Oh. but one more thing. I am calling this week to schedule my post m/c follow-up appt. He said to come back after 6 weeks or my first period. So, six weeks it is.

For me, I need to be pregnant again ASAP. I am not waiting around for one cycle every two months. I want better chances than that. There is obviosuly not something working properly in there. So I also plan to schedule an appt with the RE for consulation about treatments since we never got that far before. I hope I am able to schedule the follow-up and consultation at the same time.

I hope you had ladies had a WAAAAYYY better NYE than I did.