Last Thursday and Friday, I hit bottom. We hit bottom. Those two days were the worst we have ever felt since starting to try to have a baby. It. was. awful. I have never seen him so upset-About getting pregnant-About him seeing me hurt each cycle that results in a BFN. Just hearing how much he thinks about it everyday. It. broke. my. heart. It was awful to hear but at the same time, I am so very grateful that he let me hear those things. It makes me feel not so alone in my feelings and it brought us closer.
I cried.
He cried.
We cried.
Ugh, just thinking about it makes me start to tear up.
I really really need to work on myself.
I don't know where to start.
I need to accept the things I cannot control. I have so many irrational fears racing through my mind daily. I try not to let myself go there, but it seems impossible, like out of my control. The longer it takes to get pregnant, the less I think my fears are irrational.
I don't go a day without longing to be pregnant. To be a mother.
The main thing I am going to try to stop doing....is looking so far ahead. I need to live in the now.
So, with that, I will wait for my insurance to take effect. As soon as that happens I will make an appt with my OB for my annual and see what she says and where I should go from here.
Until then? I am making it my priority to let go and just do what I can to improve our chances.
STOP OBSESSING & STRESSING.
I am not a very religious person, but I have always loved the Serenity Prayer.
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