2nd U/S- Didn't go well...

                                                       

I had my 2nd u/s today. I expected to feel more at ease after this one. WRONG. These people are really fucking freaking me out. Fuck.

Last week she told me I was 7 weeks based on LMP. Well I knew that was wrong because of my long ass cycles, opk's, and what I know from monitoring my cycles for the last year! Well of course when she did the u/s, she was like well you look 4-5 weeks. Yea, based on opk's that is what I thought- 4weeks. Last week she also said "if it isn't bigger next week, then we should be worried."

So here I am this week thinking I am 5 weeks now. We do the ultrasound. The first lady doing it was in training. That is not a good idea for my over analyzing worrier self. That B couldn't find anything!!! I started panicking! WTF. So then the other lady said "let me do it". Thank goodness! Ok so we see it. She says "well you are measuring at 6 weeks, but we don't see a heartbeat". My heart drops. What?! No! I said "you are freaking me out". Then she goes on to tell me that they are used to knowing exactly how far along the women they treat are. I get that. I told her that based on my positive ovulation test, that I am about 5 weeks. She said she was going to go talk to the Dr. and let me know what he says. She comes back and says that "we need to focus on the fact that it grew and to come back next week and if we don't see a heartbeat, THEN it is time to be worried." Too late for that, I cried as soon as we got in the car and started googling. 

I just feel like I am in limbo. I don't know what to think. I just keeping telling myself that I am doing all I can for this baby to grow and be healthy. Everything else is out of my control.